Fish in a Barrel

[Kida Armitage]

The saloon was bustling with life per usual and despite it being about lunchtime, there were plenty of people already drunk. At one of the tables, people were gambling on a card game. At another, there were pretty ladies chatting up some tipsy men. But at every single table, there was a pistol present, or some kind of gun. There was a fiddler with a pianist in one corner, their music filling the room alongside the laughter and shouts. You could also hear some faint thudding sounds upstairs underneath all the racket, like some kind of background beat. There may have been the occasional cry and grunting as well. Overall it was a rather pleasant atmosphere for people such as this.

At least until it was broken.

It could be so easy to do that too, you know? The swinging doors swung inwards as a woman stepped through them, her brown booted feet thudding against the hardwood floor. Instantly the room lost about half of its volume as everyone turned to look at this newcomer. Maybe it was the scars that were scattered across her body, maybe it was the eye-patch covering her right eye, or maybe it was just the simple fact she wasn't from the town at all. Kida didn't really give two flicks of a whip, and that was clearly displayed by the smirk on her lips. "What, I crash a party or something?" She called brightly to the establishment, glad to see most people return to whatever they were doing, the noise level rising once more. Hehe, goofballs. She grabbed a hand that was reaching for her wallet in her front pocket of her close fitting tan pants, tsking softly as she turned her head to look at the man that was there. "You'll have to do better than that my friend." He growled and tugged his hand away hard, moving away from her. Chuckling softly to herself, she shook her head slightly, adjusting the red vest shirt she wore along with the black fingerless gloves on her hands. Time for a drink!

Stepping up to the bar, she plopped down on a stool, grinning to the bartender who was looking at her warily. "I'm not going to bite, I promise. Can I get a.... Hrmmm...." She paused as she stared at the alcohol that lined the wall behind him, biting her lower lip in thought. "A dusk and dawn! Yeah, that one." The bartender didn't stop cleaning the glass he currently held in his hands. "You'll pay first." Her gold eyes glinted as she whipped out the coins and bills and left them on the counter, chuckling once more as they vanished within seconds of their appearance. She knew people were still watching her out of the corners of their eyes, but honeybadger didn't give a shit. She decided to come here on a whim considering the fact that she had a bit of leave time and she hadn't been here before. Ill Fortune... Hehehe, a town befitting its name. She had to wonder if anyone from the theater was here. It seemed like the kind of town that some of them would have been able to escape to. Though maybe it was just her. The bartender placed her drink down in front of her and grunted, walking away to go back to talking to... whomever he had been. Kida gave a lazy sort of salute and a bright smile to him, picking up the glass. "Thanks sir!" She sniffed it, wondering if it was poisoned or drugged or something buuuuut.... drink! So she took a little sip as a tester and found it to her liking, soon taking a bigger sip.

[Guest]

Livus's sleeves kept slipping "mysteriously" gained cards into his inventory of decks, seated promptly by a table facing the door way, keeping a poker face the entire time as he won out a lady's blouse, her shoes, her wallet, and now he gleefully tries to win her knickers. Cackling mentally to himself much to the female gunslinger's chagrin, this was the worst loss EVER for her. She was blushing furiously, her face flushed with red, under his invasive gaze at her cards, and lovely nostrils. He found those the most appealing part of her body, the most well sculpted nose he had ever seen, straight, with no abberation or slights that would ruin it. It was clear to boot, and even. Balanced and perfect, almost like his pistols. But see, the thing about that, she isn't as good as his guns. Nope, his sweet... sweet... pistols... he could almost fondle them right now. The sweet steel polished surfaces, that muzzle hole with precise rifling, that trigger. Though that may lead to another "Menstrual Gorilla incident." Nope, wouldn't want that.

"Alright, so, it looks like I win aga--"

SKADOOSH!

Half the bar looks at this cyclops girl that comes in with curiosity, Livus rose an eyebrow, seeing this girl... this DOPPELGANGER! What the Heck is her problem stealing his scarred eyepatch look get up? That was HIS TERRITORY! And she is even trying to seem adorable for it with spectacles. WHO THE HECK PUTS GLASSES WITH SPECTACLES?!

"What, I crash a party or something?" Damn right she did, stealing his EYEPATCH look. Why the Captain had full a mind to up to her and confront her very subtly with diplomatic cool that'd make a politician blush with delight at how it was delivered.

Livus flung the garments back at the gunslinger, and stowed away his cards, waving her off to approach the bar. He kicked a few tables on his way in a crazy fit, throwing them upside down as the patrons back off, walking up to the stool with a nasty look that screams out pissed, placing his elbow on the bar after he grabbed the patron to her left and flung him away with a simple tug, and by tug, it would be a throw. The patrons were looking at the two of them, suddenly the bar was quiet.

"Lady... WHAT THE FUCK?" Livus says elegantly with language befitting royalty, "You come in here, with that eyepatch and scar to steal the GET UP I already go with here? You trying to steal my unique identity? What are you exactly trying to prove? ARE YOU TRYING TO TAKE MY JOB?!"

Suddenly, the entire bar gasps, and they look at one another.

"She... she takin' his job?" One bar patron says to another, met with a reply, "SHE TOOK HIS JOB!"

"DEY. TOOK. HIS. JOB!"

"SHETOOKHISJOB!"

"DUKKA DURRRRRR!"

"SHE TOOK HIS DOG!"

"DEY BUKKA DURR!"

"DEY BROOKA JAW!"

"OOOO'OOOO'OOOO'AAA'OOOO!!!" A rooster shouted.

Suddenly, the entire bar stood up to stand behind Livus, patting him on his back, some big muscly man who screams out SUPER TOUGH let out a manly tear, patting Livus on his back. "Don yo worry 'bout dat, she be heartless, she not know wut hardship we be goin' through in dese eggonomik tiem."

"AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE HERE KNOW HOW HARD IT GETS IN THESE ECONOMIC TIMES. I hope you drink happily ALONE all the way there, you heartless BANSHEE." With that said, Livus backs off from the stool, as the patrons huddle up together for reconciliation time at a corner apart the bar, with glares shot at the eyepatched chick. Truly, the town here understand what it means not to have a job.

"I hope you're happy with yourself missy, you heartless witch." The bartender sighed with grudge, going back to clean up his glass.

[Kida Armitage]

You know how everyone seems to have that one thing that can get them down? Some attract trouble, creepers, debts, too many men, boars.... something? Well, Kida's was strange luck. She had the weirdest luck in the world, she had concluded over the years, sipping her drink just as she was proved right again. She could hear the commotion behind her, the man to her left suddenly gone which prompted her eye to roll to the corner of her eye. Who in the-- "Lady... WHAT THE FUCK?" Her eyebrow twitched instantly as she slowly turned in her stool to face the man, her eye flicking up and down his body before returning to his face-- What the hell. "You come in here, with that eyepatch and scar to steal the GET UP I already go with here? You trying to steal my unique identity? What are you exactly trying to prove? ARE YOU TRYING TO TAKE MY JOB?!" Her eyes narrowed slightly as she faced him completely now, her arms folding over her chest as she scoffed. "Listen you-"

She didn't really get to speak as she suddenly heard the entire saloon whispering about her. Great. Just freakin great. What was she going to do now? This stranger clearly had the charisma, the familiarity with these people, and just... arrrgh, seriously?! What was with her luck? This was retarded! So she quietly sat there, staring at the man in front of her, only moving to take another gulp of her drink. Though the randomness of the rooster was certainly amusing on some level. She couldn't help but laugh at the sound of it despite the rather serious atmosphere. In fact, that was just what she needed to relax! So she leaned an elbow on the bar and propped the side of her face against it, observing with mild interest how the ENTIRE BAR stood behind this crazy man who began shouting at her. though..... "Don yo worry 'bout dat, she be heartless, she not know wut hardship we be goin' through in dese eggonomik tiem."
The big man's words still reached her ears, and she sighed lightly. Oh she knew it well enough.

"AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE HERE KNOW HOW HARD IT GETS IN THESE ECONOMIC TIMES. I hope you drink happily ALONE all the way there, you heartless BANSHEE." Her eyebrow twitched as she slammed her hand on the bar, growling under her breath. Who the fuck did he think he was huh? The goddamn Prophet? No wait, fuck those guys too. Everyone was moving away, a lovely little bubble getting formed about her as people did their best to avoid her now. "I hope you're happy with yourself missy, you heartless witch." Turning back to her drink, Kida sighed heavily as the glass paused a few centimeters away from her lips. "Thrilled." She muttered sarcastically before downing the rest of the contents of the glass, placing it back down on the counter and getting up from the bar. Oh she had a fun little idea now~ But how often did she think she may end up returning to this town... THAT was the question at this point. Hah, JUST DO IT! CARPE DIEM YEA!

Sliding off of her bar stool slowly, she whistled a Sabrian tune softly as she slipped her hands into her pockets, heels thudding against the floor of the saloon. As she passed by the crazy man, she paused to look up at him, "You know sir, you could be taking someones job right now by SHOUTING RANDOMLY AT PEOPLE! And at least my eyepatch gets to cover up my scar hm?" Flashing him a wining smile, she noticed the logo that was on his hat, blinking twice before gears clicked in her head. "And I at least maintain honor from the fleet. See ya!" With that she skipped out of the doors, breaking into a run once she was past the swinging doors. A little cherry bomb was procured from somewhere, a flame sparking as she flicked her lighter. With the fuse lit, she tossed it behind her towards the bar, giggling as she mentally counted down. 3...2...1...

KABOOM

There was the whizzing and whistling as the little firework went off, green and blue sparks lighting up the ground and sky just in front of she saloon. Kida was laughing merrily as she slowed to a stop, placing her hands on her hips to observe the spectacle. Ah... she did love her little babies so... The force of her little baby had kicked up a slight wind, buffeting her hair about as she replaced her hands in her pocket, turning down a street while whistling as if she totally hadn't set off an explosive in town.

[Bones]

"OOOO'OOOO'OOOO'AAA'OOOO!"

A rooster called to the sun, his head proudly raised, his crest waving backwards. His head remained thrown back as he prepared another call in the bowels of his throat, until it was interrupted by a shard of bone penetrating his belly. It was pulled away, sending a scattering of blood across the dirt and staining it red. The bird staggered, dying from the injury, until a quick hand put it out of its misery, snapping its neck. The bone spear that had been used to kill it was jammed into the ground, and the rooster was hung from the gnarly wood.

Bones began to pluck her meal immediately with expert hands. She had been at Ill Fortune for just over a fortnight now, and she was now somewhat familiar to the people of the town. They considered her a pest; she would hunt for animals and root around for vegetables and fruit, which would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that most of the food didn't belong to her. The only person she had ever spoken to was a librarian, and the conversations were merely Bones requesting certain books, and most of those she had difficulty reading. Bones kept to herself and was too animal-like to truly come close to understanding. It was only recently that they came up with the plan of simply offering her a portion of cooked food far away enough to make sure she didn't root around in other's property, and in those few days she became a lot more reasonable, even friendly. The people she visited the most quickly learnt that she would go for pre-cooked meals over killing animals and just needed reminding that the cows, pigs and chickens were not hers to kill, to be treat as one would treat a friendly but hungry stray. She had even been invited to eat at someone's table on another day.

The rooster was owned by someone who she did not visit often.

"OI!" He barked, slamming the door open. Bones leapt back, her eyes shooting to him. The man held a meat cleaver in his hands, his face red with rage. The initial panic of the loud noise disappated as the warrior instinct in Bones took over; loud noises and sharp objects, when combined, were a signal to be ready for a fight. "THAT DOES IT! I HAVE HAD IT WITH MY CHICKENS GOING MISSING BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU CRAZY BITCH!" Bones remained calm, yanking Wolf's Bane, her trusty halberd, out of the ground. She remained low but got to her feet, the spearhead pointing to the man as she growled, her magic making it louder, hoping to intimidate him.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..."

The man did, in fact, look a lot more nervous from hearing the sound, but he stood his ground. The two remained staring at each other in some kind of standdown, silence consuming the world they both accompanied.

KABOOM

It was far away, but it was loud enough to shock the two into action. The man raised his meat cleaver and readied a strike, but Bones was faster, casting her most powerful spell; Shocking Howl.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRR!"

It was almost as loud as the explosion, and sent both Bones and the man rocketing away from each other. The man had something to break his movement; the wall of his house, and he smashed into it, causing the stone to crack behind him. Bones only had her toughened feet, and she slid across the sand of the main street, leaving only billowing dust clouds in her wake, from both the sound and her motion. She tried to buy purchase, but couldn't stop before she slammed into someone. Both Bones herself and the person she collided with were thrown backwards, rolling together across the coarse sand, until finally the two slowed down.

Bones waited for a few seconds to catch her breath. Shocking Howl always took it out of her, but she finally got up, realising that she had crashed into someone, and crashed hard. Her head spun backwards, looking to the woman she had smacked into. A woman whose eye was as golden as her hair, the right obscured by an eyepatch of leather. She wore glasses over them, though now they sat on the edge of her nose clumsily. She was taller than Bones, and curvier, but not as muscular. Bones decided to try and be cordial about it, but she stumbled upon a single word.

"Ssssssss... sssss..." Bones stopped several times, her brow furrowed as she thought, the frustration across her face hidden by the helmet she wore. She considered each part of the word, trying to pinpoint just how to say it. "... ssssssor... sor... sorr... reeeee... sorry!" She finally shouted.

[Kida Armitage]

Was anyone following her? She carefully snuck a look behind herself to find that the street was only filling with people who had been startled at the explosion a block or so away, leaving her alone and completely unsuspicious. EXCELLENT. Plan=success! Or... sort of. A heavy something came flying out of nowhere, slamming into her left side and sending her to the ground in a heap of limbs and WHERE THE HELL WERE THEY NOW?! Please say that the crazy eyepatch man wasn't closer to them. That could get ugly then. Coughing at the dust that had gotten kicked up around them, she groaned in pain and the knowledge she definitely had a couple of bruises and maybe a minor cut here and there. What in the world had just happened? Was it karma? It had to be karma for throwing that cherry bomb. Yeah it hadn't been necessary, but it had been so fun! But did karma have to work so fast? And so... ow... hard?

The other form untangled themselves from her, so she too steadily got up off of the ground, at least pushing herself into a sitting position. Her glasses were perched askew on the bridge of her nose, the form that had flown into her unclear until she rightened them. Ah! It was.... a very strangely dressed woman. Blinking twice, she almost didn't believe what she saw since... heh... it was so weird! She was wearing a skull over her face and she was painted in almost war like markings and... well... she looked like she had stepped out of a movie or something. But hey! It was actually kinda cool. Kida brushed the dust off of her body, slowly pushing herself up to her feet to find she was taller than this tribal woman that she found in front of herself. "Ssssssss... sssss..." Again she blinked, tilting her head slightly as she waited to see just what exactly she was trying to say. Secret? Something? S.... s.... "... ssssssor... sor... sorr... reeeee... sorry!" OH! Derp. Of course! Kida straightened up and chuckled, waving a hand as she stretched her arms up to work out the soreness from the encounter. "Don't worry about it! Are you ok? You must have gotten thrown from something rather powerful to have such a strong impact into me." She asked, only then realizing that maybe this person didn't either speak or understand a lot of things she was saying. Shit, did she have her own dialect or something? Aw man... She hoped not! She could get so lost in those things!

Calm. Calm down Kida Armitage, this was hardly the first time you've run into someone who doesn't speak the same language as you. Or speak at all. There was a mute brother and sister that had stayed in that theater with them and so she had learned how to communicate with them otherwise. Though.. they HAD understood her, they just couldn't speak.... Oh whatever. She would figure this out! "Uh... I'm Kida, whats your name?"

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